TORONTO- At Queen's Park on Friday, Premier Ford addressed a press conference to announce additional funding to the OPP and municipal police services province-wide. Without warning, the premier started sweating profusely and muttering profanities under his breath.
"Folks, we are here to protect the people of Ontario", started Ford calmly.
"Because Ontarians deserve officials that are on the level. Oh god," the Premier muttered.
"To this end at the urging of the Solicitor General, we have, huh, seriously? Formed an Anti-Corruption Task Force at the OPP....F&#k!"
At this point the premier appeared lightheaded and a flush. "This task force will probe perceived misdeeds of public officials, such as selling off protected lands to developers in exchange for a $5000 tickets to my daughter's Stag and D--" the Premier wretched.
"Or (cough, cough, hork)," the premier struggled, "...building a highway that nobody wants or needs for no reason other than to fill the pockets of contractors who fund Tory election campa- Sonofab$%h!"
"My friends, the last thing the people of Ontario need is somebody to sell off Service Ontario properties so we can rent spaces in Staples....." With this the premier gripped both sides of the podium and had to be roused by a diligent Education Minister Stephen Lecce, holding smelling salts under Mr Ford's nose.
"We need to act before some jack-hole turns Ontario Place into a spa, or moves the Science Center for God knows why," Ford struggled, "...Ontario is open for business?"
With this the press conference concluded and Premier Ford was last seen driving at 150km/h northbound on the 400 with his left blinker flashing constantly from Vaughan to Barrie.
At press time, Service Ontario announced it had opened a new kiosk in the lobby of Deco Labels and Tags.
コメント