HOLDEN BEACH NC - In South Carolina, on Saturday the US Airforce shot down a high altitude Chinese balloon. The NORAD had been tracking the balloon for several days and had reason to believe that the balloon contained equipment that allowed Beijing to surveil US Military installations in the South Eastern US. Beijing has denied these claims. “It was full of presents for all of you…” insists Quin Gang, the Chinese Ambassador to the US. “Is this what happens when you try and do something nice for you people?” Gang continued.
“C’mon man…” countered Biden. “You guys know, we shoot stuff down like Gisele when Brady tries to get her back! This was an invasion of our national sovereignty. Pew pew pew!”
In an official statement to the Central Committee of the Chinese Communist Party Xi Jinping toed the line “..it was filled with presents! Presents, that definitely weren't made by underage political prisoners working in dangerous conditions. We’re trying to be nice to the Americans so that they won't be bent out of shape and all sanction-y when we invade Taiwan next year."
At press time, the 149th Fighter Squadron out of Langley Air Force Base in Virginia was spotted at a local Chilis' raucously celebrating the victory of a $216 million fighter jet over a $200,000 enemy balloon.
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